ive never told selina this, but chancing upon her blog was the reason why i started blogging in the first place.

smart. intelligent. deep. each entry left a deep impression on me. made me want to put my thoughts down into writing as well so i can revisit them every time. the same way i did selina's.

but now, she's been on hiatus. for whatever reason, ive no idea. but i still visit her blog every single day, hoping to catch her essence in a new entry. my drug of choice.

i guess that's how i lost my urge to write new entries. ive lost my drug. and im withdrawing. im content with reading other people's blog and leaving a comment or two. only, currently, im even having technical problem leaving comments. so i cant even leave a line or two.

work has also taken most of my attention. deadlines. new tasks. additional paperwork. ive been OTing every single day ive been back to work. it's so unlike me, it's scaring the shit outta me.

i have so many thoughts i wanna write down, but i dont have the desire. i wonder why. am i tired? have i lost my drive? probably. im content to live my life at the behest of others, rather than concentrating on my wants and wishes. have i grown too old? have i lost rhythm to my poetry? the beat to my song? the skip in my step? the vitality of my youth?

perhaps tomorrow ill ask again.

saw a smart fortwo along edsa earlier.

i cant help not to say it: "i gotta get me one of those."

it's not the sexiest of cars, mind you (until you get to see Smart's roadster or at least the forfour), but it's still cute.

but being a man, of course a cute car isnt something to harp on. we want our cars sexy or at least rugged (for the pickups and suvs). but the smart fortwo has something to offer more than just looks: fuel economy.

3.5litres of gas gets you a 100kms of driving pleasure. that's roughly 28kms to the liter. and in a world where the best gas engine can only give you 19kms, that's pure bliss.

and if you wanna do some mental mathematics, with every liter of gas costing 43pesos, going 100kms with a 13km/liter car would cost you 330 pesos. but with a smart car, itll only cost you half, at roughly 154 pesos. now that's what i call fuel efficiency.

and even if im not a fan of subcompact cars (except for the mini cooper,  peugeot compacts 107, 1007, 206 hatch or the 207) and the suzuki swift), a smart car would do it for me just because of the savings it would give.

our gas expenses would be halved and it would be more than enough motivation to learn how to drive.

now the problem is that we dont have a dealer here so the only way would be to import one. the closest dealership is in malaysia. but even if it's that close, the tax would easily double the actual cost.

so even at 7,000GBP (sterling pounds) or roughly 676,000php, importing it would surely jack up the price to one and a half mil. that's pretty steep. if only i had 1.5million pesos lying around somewhere. ill go check my other brief.

I havent read this book by Jane Austen so I really cant make a comparison as to how effective the adaptation is, but still, it's a pretty solid movie in itself.

Even if bits and pieces were lost in the process, Im sure every fan of the novel would have been delighted at the outcome.

And since this is direct adaptation of a novel, the story would be arguable the same sans a few missing details. With that, the story is pretty good. Set in the early 1800s, we're given a glimpse of how life works in merry ole' England.

The story, though sweet and charming, is rather simple. That's where the beauty of it lies, in its simplicity. No complicated plot, no twists, no turns, just a quiet ride on a carriage (no pun intended). The kind of film you'd want to watch to relax and spare yourself the torture of going through a mindless comedy, an overCGed film, or bodycount movie.

The casting was absolutely perfect as so was the acting. Matthew Mcfadyen was on target with his characterization of the brooding and socially inept Mr. Darcy. Keira Knightley also did splendid with her portraying Elizabeth Bennett. Of course, Judi Dench was just perfect as Lady Catherine. I could not see anyone else to do the character. Even Keifer Sutherland managed to pass off as a Briton except for a few slips on his accent here and there.

All in all, it's a pretty decent film. It's something we Filipinos can relate to since it greatly deals with a person's status in life in dictating not only how he or she live his (or her) live but how it affects his (her) relations as well.

I'd recommend Pride and Prejudice to everyone planning a romantic date or even by your lonesome. (Dont forget to watch it with pasta, bread and some wine!)

suddenly, ive lost the urge to blog. though it doesnt mean ive stopped musing as well. i guess that's normal. you get tired with it like everything else. it's lost its appeal.

part of the reason, i guess, is losing other bloggers who've been part of the reason for me to blog (as our only way of communication). another part of course is im actually spending more time living life than just thinking about it.

ive been spending a lot more time with my dad on our free time, talking about politics, cars and other hobbies grown up men talk about. so i guess ive finally grown up enough to be able to hold a meaningful conversation with my dad rather than unbearable silent moments we used to spend.

i never blamed him for being a seemingly distant father. he just never knew how to relate to me; what subjects to converse about; what passion to share. it wasnt that he never was a kid before. he knows what its like being my age. but he knows the world i grew up in was a whole lot different than his.

when he was a kid, he never had time to play. he had to work to send himself to school. when he and his father spoke, they spoke about how bountiful the sea was; how much hard work they did; what other jobs my dad took on just to see himself through high school and college.

me? how could my dad chat with me about computers and the internet; ideas both foreign to him that he stays away from them. how could he share my passion for all techie stuff when his only forms of entertainment back then was listening to vinyl records, playing the sax and bowl?

my father's proud enough not to show a bit of ignorance so he keeps away from certain things he's unknowledeable off until it's absolutely necessary for him to deal with it.

he grew up with brothers who spoke freely with their parents and strangers, and where everyone in the community knew each other by name. how would he be able to deal with a son who barely spoke, who manifested all the signs of being pathologically shy and introvertism.

it was hard for him to be a father to a son like me. so if there's anyone to blame for the initial failure of our relationship, it would have been me. no matter how hard my dad reached out to me, i was closed.

so now, we're making the most of what little time we have left together in this world. having the relationship we should have shared from the very start.

im so sorry for my father. he deserves a better son than I. but these were the cards he was dealt with, and amazingly enough, he's made a pretty good deck out of it.

im sure youve heard about DepEd's insistence of putting in sex education in the curriculum.

at the risk of sounding hypocritical, i'd put my two centavos' in:

it's stupid.

and here's my two hundred bucks' worth.

it's like teaching kids how to handle and shoot a gun. first of all, youre implying that it's ok to handle a gun. but no matter how noble or logical youre reasoning is, that is still a gun.

you're thinking that, you cant keep your kid from learning how to use a gun so at least, teach them how to use it well and responsibly. sounds logical right? but it's like a damn that's gonna burst later. pandora's box for the mythologically inclined. a can of worms for all you grammar freaks.

by implying that it's ok to handle a gun, it doesnt mean theyre automatically responsible gunhandlers.

they'd start to think that it's just a gun, and theyll reason that they know everything about it now. yes, theyll be safer. yes theyll be more knowledgable. yes theyll know how dangerous a gun can be. but it wont teach them restraint. in fact, itll just do the opposite.

theyll get cocky knowing theyre safe. they might even be more excited to handle a gun more often. and sooner or later, theyre gonna do something stupid.

dont get me wrong, teaching kids safe sex is more pro active than letting them experiment by themselves. but i dont think it's right to teach them at such an impressionable age.

i do believe that we're fooling ourselves when we try to ignore it. but by teaching it at school, you are practically endorsing it no matter how much you try to convince students that it's immoral at their age.

we should teach it outside the academe. let the community, the parishes, the barangay be the ones to teach it. if they need to do it at school, prepare a seminar that will allow parents to decide if they would allow their children to attend it. this way, parents can also attend so they can guide their children as they see fit and as is their responsibility.

let us not sugarcoat the fact that at adolescence, kids engage in sex in the pure physical pleasure of it and not because of love or procreation.

let's admit that teaching the morality and divinity of sex will fall on deaf ears. scaring them with STD stories and teenage pregnancies wont deter them from it either. but teaching them how to to protect themselves from the 'nuances' of unsafe sex will only exacerbate the problem. it's practically telling them that it's ok to have sex as long as it's safe.

the academe needs to focus more on values formation and create programs for their students related to this such as trips to DSWD centers, programs with orphanages and foster homes as well as outreach programs to teenage parents.

a real, firsthand, and sometimes harsh experience with the negative effects of premarital sex would be more welcome than the worthless skits and plays schoolkids present at sex education classes.

these lessons would definitely be more valuable to them than teaching them how to put on a condom.

i was in this forum awhile back and saw this lady asking a question on how to handle an unhappy marriage barely held together by the common desire for the continued good welfare of the children.

now, im not one to be able to make a convincing argument since im not in the same boat. unable to speak from experience, my thoughts would be considered ideal but unrealistic.

it's also important to note that a situation like this should be considered serious and thus, my opinions on it, are only that: MY OPINION. im not properly trained, licensed or equipped with the adequate faculties needed to make the correct advice.

i have experience as a child with parents arguing and sometimes teetering on the verge of separation. it was only through my parents' love for us, their children, and more importantly, for each other, that we managed to survive as a whole. i did my small part and it's important to realize that children do have the power to affect their parents' lives and their family's more than they think they do.

having grown up, i have a more mature and realistic (rather than idealistic) views on relationships. ive also been in a long term relationship that practically bordered on marriage that i feel i have a bit of a grasp on what married life is all about.

married life is nothing like youve ever dreamed it to be. it's hardly the white picket fences dreams it's painted to be. it's never about the romance or the grand weddings. it's all about life. it's being selfless. it's all about someone else: more of your kids, more of your spouse, and less abot yourself.

imagine your partner being sick and bedridden.
imagine yourself waking up at 5am to prepare breakfast and packed lunches for your kids.
imagine yourself waking up your kids and having them bathe and wear their uniforms.
imagine you feeding your crippled spouse and giving them a bath. imagine yourself going to work, and working tirelessly for 8 hours. imagine yourself going home at 6pm.
imagine yourself cooking food for your family.
imagine yourself convincing your kids to study instead of playing games, getting online, or chatting the phone.
imagine feeding your poor spouse.
imagine yourself ironing clothes for tomorrow for an hour.
imagine helping your kids with homework.
imagine yourself helping your spouse to bed.
imagine yourself having only 10minutes to an hour of the entire day to do something for yourself.
imagine yourself doing it again tomorrow.
and the day after that.
and the day after that.
then imagine yourself doing the same thing for nearly the rest of your life.

that, is what married life is all about. it's not all peaches and creams. it's not all bliss. most of the time it's about sacrifice. and only true love can sustain you through it all.

most young couples dont see married life like that. all they can see is the moment. theyre in love. theyre crazy with each other. they want to be together forever. protected from the harshness of life by their parents, disillusioned by naivete, they take the plunge.

and then, life happens. personal problems. work pressure. money issues. doubt. jealousy. and being unprepared, they drown. they struggle, and they drag each other down.

the once, deliriously happy couple, so young, vibrant and in love, can barely tolerate each other now. they question if they even loved each other in the first place. worse, they realize that they no longer love each other, if it were only possible.

life happens. and being humans, despite love (or often due to the lack of it), selfishness, doubt, jealousy, frustration, anger creeps into our hearts. faced with overwhelming obstacles, instead of relying on each other, we retreat into ourselves. we begin to think again in terms of "me" or "i" instead of "us".

when that happens, dont get frustrated easily. it'll help to consider the following:

• open and responsible communication coupled with compassion for each other as an individual and a spouse is the first line of defense. never underestimate the healing power of loving words.
• ask for help. ask your parents, your priest, people who care for you as a couple for mediation. not all problems can be resolved by man and wife. sometimes, community and family can do better.
• never ever use your children as an excuse. never stay together because of your children. you married each other because of each other, if you would stay together or separate, do it because of each other.
• never distance yourself from your spouse. distance and aloofness breeds contempt and unfaithfulness. if you need time and space for yourself, do it within the boundaries of your family. take new hobbies and lessons when the children are at school and your spouse is at work.
• seek each other again. date. rediscover your passion for each other. discover new things. rekindle your love affair.
• realize that all trials can be overcome. all it takes is time and determination as man and wife. youre one.
• deal with problems one at a time. life can be overwhelming at times. prioritize. single out the ones that can be dealt with immediately. sort out the ones that need more attention.
• seek professional help if needed. seek counsel.
• pride is often the bane of any relationship. the cost is more than it's worth. it should never come between you two.
• finally, exhaust all means before giving up on your marriage. it's unrealistic to believe that all marriages can work out. sometimes, the heart must give in to reason.

but more importantly, if there were words that summed up what a marriage is all about. it is these:

"for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do you part"

it's called a vow. it's more than a promise. it is worth your happiness and sometimes your life.

i advise you to read this.

lemme see, our generation's been privy to quite a number of wars already. there's the iraq occupation of kuwait which triggered Desert Storm, there's the US attack on Afghanistan to remove the Taliban government, and recently the attack on Iraq to remove Saddam Hussein from power.

Of course there's the continued civil war in Bosnia, in certain African countries, and the threat of nuclear attack from Iran and North Korea and an uneasy truce between India and Pakistan. All in all, id say our generation's have had our share of wars. What we have not gone through of course, is a World War, which will truly have worldwide ramifications.

To be quite frank, Ive always been scared to read news that directly affects Israel. Being a Jewish country surrounded entirely by Islam nations, you know any slight provocation in the region can cause a World War.

Israel is a known ally of the USA. If it were attacked, the US would have no other choice but to come to its defense. Unfortunately, it's no big secret that Arab countries have only been tolerating Israel and its religion the past few decades. Their animosity towards the country is legend. And also, most of these Arab countries arent too hot with the US either.

And if the bulk of the US' attention was drawn towards the middle east, North Korea might be overlooked and would take this opportunity to invade Seoul again as well as attack Japan.

In such a scenario, China would be more than willing to join North Korea in order to punish Japan for its invasion of China during World War II. It may also take this opportunity to invade every country within the Pacific Rim of Fire which it believes is part of the Chinese empire.

Such an action would of course drag the entire SE Asia as well as Australia into the fray.

Of course, the UN wouldnt have such a thing happen and many of the US' and Australia's allies would come to its defense such as UK and France.

Stalinist states such as Venezuela and Cuba might take this opportunity to annex nearby states or attack US fleets or even the mainland.

So Israel is a concern even to the ordinary Juan Dela Cruz.

Pretty apocalyptic no? Time to migrate to Switzerland.

weather last week was pretty terrible, wasnt it? so it's pretty nice to see some sunshine today.

and although i love the rain, i wasnt able to enjoy it much especially with the news coming in because of it: lives lost. landslides. floodings.

have you heard about this one guy? he lost his wife and two sons when a tree crashed into their house and the ceiling collapsed on his wife and children.

a couple of friends also had floodings inside their houses in bulacan. theyre accustomed to it already but it doesnt mean they look forward to it every single time.

also, a friend got into a car accident last week. not his fault though. but im sure if it werent for the rain, it wouldnt have happened. dont worry. he's safe.

i have a few things i always keep in mind during the rainy season to be safe. theyre no-brainers but ill write it down just to remind myself:

• if it rained the previous day, bring an umbrella. if it didnt, but it looked like it was supposed to rain in the afternoon or if it looks like its gonna rain now, bring it.
• watch the morning show on tv and get a forecast. if it's windy with slight rain, bring a windbreaker or a jacket. your umbrella might break with strong winds and leave you drenched.
• go to work early. that way, you wont be going home late with the rest of the populace.
• dont go out unless it's necessary. especially if you got kids with you.
• if youre driving, and the rain falls down like sheets around you, put the hazard lights on. this will let other drivers know you're there and how fast or slow youre going.
• slow down. less right feet, more left feet.
• if you really cant see shit when youre driving, slow down and keep to the shoulder of the road. stop entirely if necessary.
• trim the trees around your house. they may look sturdy, but a lot of wind can bring a branch down.
• have someone check the rain gutters and sewerage. it could get clogged and cause a little flooding.
• charge your emergency lights and get those batteries for your flashlights and radio. dont use candles and matches as much as possible.
• keep tabs of your family. tell them where you are at all times. ask them where they are as well.
• keep stock of food that's good for at least 3 days. you might also want to buy meat, fish and vegetables before storms as the prices usually rise during the raining days.
• dont report for work or for school during heavy rains unless it's a necessity. even if you get paid 1,000pesos a day, your medicine and checkups would cost you more.
• dont carry valuables. it's chaotic out in the rain.

there. i have a whole lotta reminder for myself but i hafta start working already.

but on a lighter note, i finally got a chance to try out video calling. my brother just got an N70 and my sister a N6280 and we tried calling each other while we were at makati over the weekend.

the video was pretty pixelized and it wasnt as smooth as you hoped it to be, but it's pretty decent considering youre broadcasting over free air using a small handset.

it was pretty cool. i think we spent 10 minutes out of our credits just calling each other. and it didnt matter that we were all in the same van to begin with. now all i need is a beam transport and one of those holographic rooms with a devon aoki or jessica alba program

guess what, there's no classes today. unfortunately for me, im a grunt for a private corporation and thus i have to brave the rain, the traffic and risk getting stranded later this afternoon.

and while i, the ever willing taxpayer, who gives up 30% of my salary to make this government work for me, am stuck at work at 7 in the morning, while the said government gets a day off.

yesiree, folks: walang pasok ang gobyerno.

so while i, wake up at 5am, and is currently at work at 7am, the government employees i pay with my hard earned money are drooling in their beds, dreaming new ways to spend their own hard earned stolen money, payoffs, etc.

and later in the day, while i labor in front of a computer monitor, theyll be relaxing in their chairs. that, or theyll be in the malls, or out of their houses, using government vehicles for their private use, running on government paid and subsidized gas, while i will be out there in the rain, trying to get a ride from a public utility vehicles.

yes, my dear friends, while they ride in their new SUVs, AUVs, and whatnots, ill be riding an ordinary bus home. while theyre cozy in their spacious transportation, ill be in a packed bus with countless other wet souls.

and because the frickin people in power feel that they should look out for the health of their citizenry, they choose to suspend work for their own people. people in government. who still get paid for this day. while the rest of us go to work so we can pay them to have vacations.

and these people, who should instead be at home, so, at the very least minimize the people out on the streets commuting, to lessen the traffic for the rest of us who are still forced to report to work, so that we wont have to stand half an hour in the rain trying to get a ride home, are out there doing the exact opposite. they get a free day, and they make things worse for the rest of us. pretty fair country, aint it?

im sorry, was i complaining? do i sound bitter and pathetic? im sorry. it's probably because im drenched down to my underpants while im writing this.

on another note, the last few days, i had a glimpse of why certain people should not be allowed to have kids. they are just too plain stupid.

i saw the news before about parents complaining why class suspensions had to happen around 7am or later when their kids are already at school.

why do they always complain and blame the DepEd, the school administration, etc to make the decision, they, as parents should be making?

first of all, cant they think for themselves? if it's raining hard, dont let your kid go to school. if there are no major exams, why risk your kid getting sick? even if there was a quiz, they can take it the next day.

secondly, cant you even think of a better way to be more informed than watching the boob tube or listening to the radio for an announcement for class suspensions?

here's my advise: in the next PTA meeting, propose that a notification system be put in place.

that all parents get the cellphone and home number of their kids' class adviser. the parents be grouped into 10, and select a head among them. during doubts whether there should be classes or not, the parents will contact their group leader, who in turn will contact the class adviser.

the class advisers should then contact the principal or OIC who is allowed to suspend the classes at their school. then, the dissemination of the decision is done through the same process.

that way, parents need not contact the school separately, often clogging the school phone line.

suspension of classes should be made on the lowest level as possible, since the school administrators have a direct knowledge of the conditions at the school level. it's insane to leave it up to the regional or even district level when conditions vary from location to location.

dont be a stupid parent ok?

i'd thought Bush was stupid given the picture the media and even his countrymen paint him to be. a cowboy living in the 21st century. glad to know he's smarter than most people perceive him to be.

im a logical man myself. given the right reasons, i could support any means to get to an end. too practical for my own good i guess. a lot of us are too.

i mean, we'd support an illegitimate president so as long as our economy's doing farely well. never mind if she cheated in the elections. never mind if hundreds of people have gone missing, tortured and/or killed as long as the rest of us are left untouched.

we'd support a legalized form of jueteng since it'll mean income for the kobradors and the little guy who always risk life and imprisonment just to put food on the table. never mind if we build an immoral society in the process.

we'd support an all out war against rebels as long as it means an end to bloody conflict and extortion. never mind if these people used to be our classmates, parents of kids studying in some far-flung barrio, forgotten by the people in airconditioned rooms and SUVs who were put in place to serve them.

i mean, if you watched 'The Notebook', you'd be at the forefront of the stem cell debates especially if your husband or your wife was suffering from Alzheimer's right? Never mind the lump of cells that could be the next scientist who'd finally find the cure to the disease without sacrificing a human embryo right?

Never mind if it will cause a black market for embryos, unformed children taken from their unknowing mothers, or unwanted pregnancies causing more abortions.

I just thank God for Bush having balls of steel to make that kind of decision in the face of overwhelming odds to fight for that small part that makes us a rung better than the rest of the animals on the planet: our morality.