"Two mocha fraps, please."

"Name, sir?"

"Alex."

"Thank you sir, that would be two hundred thirty pesos."

I've always shunned going to coffee shops. A hundred bucks for a caffeine fix? While the rest of the population live on less than 2 dollars a day. Imagine that. But then again, I have my own mean streak of unnecessary extravagance. We're all guilty in a way.

Still, I try not to get caught inside one of these coffeeshops, or even be seen with an overpriced coffee in my hand. And here I am with two.

But swallowing one's pride is more bearable than seeing a friend in dire need.

As I walked up the steps and cross the chairs filled with bustling youngsters, engaged in lively conversations and exchanging youthful drama, I eyed the steps I would need to take to get to my friend. I see him sitting silently, looking at nothing in particular, knowing there's a lot on his mind this particular night.

"Here's your frap, and two sachets of brown sugar. Try not to spill anything on yourself while looking at them chicks, eh?"

"Salamat, pare," he said as he took the coffee.

"Ok pala dito, 'no? Ang ganda ng view. And I'm not talking about the sky and the stars," he said laughing. His head tilting in the direction of three women in very revealing tops and very low hugging jeans.

I humoured him and gave the three a longing gaze.

"Why dont we ever get officemates like those? Do they screen sexy, beautiful women from getting into I.T. courses back in college?" I joked. Chris laughed in agreement.

"We signed up for the wrong job, pare," he jested.

"I blame it on our HR. Should've told us there aren't any women programmers wearing sexy haltertops. Otherwise, I'd have bolted before I even read the contract". We laughed in unison.

We both knew we weren't there to admire God's gift of women. We never went for coffee for those. We were here because it was here that we could have a decent conversation. And I had this uneasy feeling the past few days that we needed to have one.

Chris shifted in his chair and played with a sachet of brown sugar in front of him. Something was bothering him.

"So, how's the kumander?" I fished, eyeing him curiously.

"She's fine," an odd pause and then he continued, "We havent spoken in three months." I was surprised.

While he tore the sachet and dumped the brown crystalline contents into his plastic cup, my mind tried to process the words.

"Three months? You said that you were ok just the other week, after that fight you told me a couple months back, " I pressed.

He eyed me blankly. I've never seen him look at me that way before. What he said afterwards, shook me more than that stare ever could.

"Wala na kami, pare. Three months, na," he weakly replied. His eyes shifting to his drink, his fingers trembling slightly as he stirred his coffee.

What? Anong wala na kayo? Three months? Pa'nong wala na kayo? I couldnt believe what I was hearing. This was my closest friend. He's husband material. No girl in her right mind could leave someone like him. All the girls I knew wanted someone like him. Why would his girl leave him all of a sudden? And there's no way, he would've left his girl. What the hell's wrong? Why didn't I hear anything?

"What? What do you mean?"

"We broke up. Wala na kami. Three months, na. That's it, " he quipped.

"What do you mean, 'That's it'?". I was incredulous. It didn't make any sense. And why'd he tell me just now? "Anong nangyari?"

I could feel he was having a hard time getting it out. It felt alien to him. But I willed him on.

"I don't know," he sighed. "I don't know what happened. It just did. We broke up. I can't believe we actually broke up."

I stared at him silently. Shocked. But it was genuine. It was real. The pain in his voice. The misery painted on his face. The dull look in his eyes. He was reliving it in his mind. And I shouldn't force him to.

"It's unfair to her," he finally said, rubbing his eyes, "for me to say anything about it. She's not here to defend herself. It isn't right that you'd judge her based on my accounts when it's clear I'm emotionally biased right now."

Ever the gentleman. Here you are, hurting, wishing you were dead, and still, all you could think of was the reputation of a girl who ripped your heart out and sent 6 years of your life down the drain. I'm hurt and angry for you. But you're right. I don't know anything. I don't have any right. And I feel helpless. The anger subsided.

We sat silently for a while, absent-mindedly sipping the cold drink we held in our hands, unmindful of the jovial conversations around us, the loud laughter and jeers. We shut it out. Thoughts and questions whirled in our minds like a chaotic tempest. Nothing made sense. Frustration. Depression. Feeling lost. One emotion shifting to another.

Fuck it.

"You sure we shouldn't be drinking beer instead?" I queried.

We laughed.

"Mamaya, call ako," he replied. He looked around us. People were milling around. Kids with their noses deep in their books, obviously reviewing for a board exam. Several cups littering their tables, all forgotten. And here we were, trying to fathom the complexities of the heart.

"It's not a nice place to be, is it?" he asked, "Being 30 and single."

"No. No, it isn't," I replied, pausing, weighing the gravity of the question. Reminiscing to my own days of struggle. "Especially if you were the one who got left behind. It's never nice. Not for people like us. It's not a place you want to find yourself in after being in a long relationship like we did. It's a pretty strange place.

"Sometimes," I sighed, "you wake up and you feel lost. After all those years of having someone who gave you your direction in life, having everything to yourself again, it's not a welcome feeling. It's not like you're crazy happy 'coz you're free again. It's the complete opposite.

"You wanna feel restricted again. Suddenly, you miss being boxed in a relationship. Those days that you feel you'd want to have time for yourself and spend time with the boys? You'd give them up just to have that feeling that you belong to someone again. Of having her back again.

"Finding yourself all alone after being loved for so many years, is the worst place you could ever be in. Sometimes, you'd rather be dead than be stuck here."

Silence. Chris pulled off his reading glasses and rubbed his eye. I could feel tears welling up in mine as well. But we couldn't. It's not because we were guys. Rather, we knew in our hearts that the tears wont stop  once it started. We were weaker this way.

"I couldn't report to work," he croaked."I was stuck in my room for four days. I really couldn't believe what happened. I just wanted to be alone. I couldn't tell anyone, not even you. Sinabi ko sa nanay ko, and my sis too, but other than them, I couldn't. It's as if admitting that she left me, it'll be real.

"But it was. It took me three months just to tell you. I don't know how I could tell other people, especially the guys at work. They know her. Spoken to her. They know that we've been together for so long. And now..."

He trailed off. His emotions were getting the best of him. His eyes are sullen. It was an eerie sight. To behold a friend at the lowest point in his life. And even if i wanted to help, there's nothing I could really do.

This is his battle. This is something he needs to overcome himself. I can only be a spectator. Words of encouragement can help but they could never calm the storm. You're stronger than this. We both know you are.

"Maybe we should switch to choco frap," I mused.

"Why is that?"

"You know what they say about chocolate being a good subsitute for sex," I grinned.

"Gago," he chuckled.

"Women have it easy," I said.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, they have all this support mechanism and stuff," I replied," They have their friends and they're built to share it with everyone, and by so doing, magically share the load and the misery. We men don't. All we have is beer."

Chris snickered.

"Women cry and bawl about it, and somehow they bounce back stronger. They shop, they get prettier, sexier and all of a sudden, they're attracting more men than before. Us guys, we really dont know how to deal with it. We weren't made that way. We just shove it somewhere hoping it doesn't creep back out to the light. But when it does, well, we don't look or smell as good as before. Take me for example," I joked.

Chris laughed,"You're fine."

"Ha! So you think!" I shot back, smiling. "I tried getting on with my life, but I haven't been the same. Why do you think I haven't gotten back into the game, again? It's because when guys like us get shot down, we get weaker. Women, they bounce back stronger. We're the weaker species, pare, and if women find that out, it's over. Time to join the gay community."

We both laughed.

"I think I'm getting better, though," he said.

"You sure?" I looked at him intently.

"Yeah," he muttered,"the last few weeks, I tried to come to terms with things as they are. It happened. And while I wish it didn't, there's nothing that I could really do about it. I could beg her to come back to me, but then again, I keep thinking, maybe she's right. Maybe i've changed. And having time on my own, I realized, maybe I did.

"I don't love her less, but I do feel a bit different. I'm thinking, she wanted this. She probably didn't want to break up as did I, but unconsciously, maybe she did. The past few years haven't been good to us. Maybe she wanted a time out. Maybe she pushed me away because she was afraid of losing me. Am I making sense?

"She didn't want to get hurt, but she didn't want to lose me slowly or drift away from her. It'd be torture. She was probably hurting and she wanted it to end it sooner than later. Maybe I should have been a better boyfriend but I don't know how.

"There's so many things running through my head right now, that I can't make sense of it. That's why I'm just letting it go. For now. Maybe someday, hopefully, we'll realize we made a mistake and we'd get back together. Or maybe," he's voice getting softer, "we'd come to the realization that it was actually the best for the both of us and we need to move on."

My friend, ever the gentleman. He makes it all sound so simple doesn't he? You'd think he was naive. But he isn't. He just sees thing clearer than the rest of us. Or maybe it's just the coffee talking.

"I guess that's it, huh?," he sighed, his voice losing that power that made women swoon, "It's over. My own version of a love story, finally coming to an end."

"I guess," I replied, caught in my own avalanche of empathy, "Breakups and coffee cups. Interesting mix, isn't it?"

"Very," he chuckled, taking a sip from his cup.

"By the way, have you seen those girls checking us out?," I asked, hoping the change in topic would make him feel a little bit better.

"Kinda, why?"

"Looks like we'll be back next week for another cup won't we?"

"Most probably," he laughed, emptying his cup.

Hopefully, him moving on is just the next coffee cup away.

Mitch Albom (author of best seller, Tuesdays with Morrie) came up with his latest book, For one more day, just the past week.

It's such a nice coincidence then that I just finished his last one, The Five People You Meet In Heaven. Like his previous undertaking, it again delves into man's spirituality and his existence. It's a pretty nice and interesting read. It's nowhere near spectacular as suspense novels and the like, but it does get you to start thinking about yourself as person and humanity in general.

It's a quiet novel and gives allowance for a lot of introspection. But now, I'm just going to concentrate on a part that I like about the book: the part that says that true love exists.

With all the cynicism that exists in this world and with all the crap we feel we've went through given our past relationships, it's nice to realize that there is truly such a thing as true love.

In his book, Mitch Albom, wrote his character as someone who found his true love in his life and ended up with her again in heaven. For those who've started to doubt of such a thing, it's something that you can hold on to while wishing for yours to come along, no matter how flimsy it may be.

Of course, again, it's just a fictional story. But then you have to realize, that there are thousands if not millions of Eddies out there who went through their entire lives loving only one person. That despite the countless separations and messy divorces, there are a myriad of others who've led quiet lives with their true loves.

I, for one, have found my one true love. And during the entire time I was with her, Ive I found so much peace, happiness and contentment i never thought i could ever have at any point in my life.

Looking back, I never realized how much I loved and was loved in return. That despite the misgivings, the quarrels and the doubts, what we had was real, no matter how long or short our time together was.

And even up to now, I still think of her from time to time. Like Marguerite said to Eddie in The Five People You Meet in Heaven, losing someone physically, true love takes another form altogether. it does not die. Love morphs into memories. They remain, they become stronger. They linger. They remind you of your true love constantly.

The book reminds me again of how much I miss her. And my memories instantly fill in the blanks. The way her body moulds into my arms. The way her hair smells when I bury my face in them. The way her lips feel on mine. The way her fingers interlock with my fingers.

But is she my true love? I would like to believe so. Just like Eddie in the book, ive desired no other. While I still find other women fascinating and attractive, there is no longer a want to belong to someone else.

But how could I say that she's my true love? It might be that I choose to look at her that way, and even convince myself that she is. But that would be delusional and self-serving. But the truth is, I'll never truly know. I do have an idea though. If you can imagine someone to be the only love you'll ever experience in your life and you can walk away from it without ever being bitter, but instead being happier because you basked and glowed in their presence, then you would know if it was true love. That despite their flaws, their shortcomings, you continue to be in love with them. That no matter how hard you push away, their love brings you closer and you cease struggling because you've never felt like this with anyone else. You feel like you're home.

With her, it feels just like that. I'm home.

hope this is true. couldnt find any other source on it. been anxiously waiting to hear news about this the entire day. we needed this one badly. score one more for the good guys.

Thank you, God.