Ordinarily, I couldnt care less what people say about Catholics. You can bash us all you want, call us hypocrites, I dont give a shit.

But this one, goes a little too far.

I dont know which is far more offensive; he disrespects the centerpiece of our beliefs (a depiction of Christ dying on the Cross for our sins nonetheless), or that he's Filipino and a Catholic at that.

Having gay friends is fun. They always have funny antics lined up. But this one, he's just tasteless and purely braindead.

I hope to never meet the guy, coz Im sure gonna break my fist on his face. Same for those who actually made the pic.

oh, no. cream puffs. must resssssist.

must be ssstrooong.

nooooooo.

*chomp* *chew*.

 damn you cream puffs. damn youuuuuuuu.

The wind is warm and humid. The stars twinkling overhead in their splendor, countless in a sky as bare as lovers on a night such as this.

And for those hapless souls lacking one, what better way to spend it than with friends?

"Ito na 'yung choco frap mo," Chris spoke as one of his arms extended, dropping off the cold plastic cup in my hand as he slowly got into the driver's seat.

"Thanks," I grunted as I sat in the passenger side of his silver Altis, holding the cup with both hands, wiping away the moisture that clinged to the surface of the cup, "You sure you dont wanna sit in the coffee shop? Your car isn't going anywhere, you know. Not to mention choco stains"

"Nah," he sighed, taking a long sip from his drink, "I'm kinda tired. I'd rather not be around too many people."

"Better go home then?," I replied raising an eyebrow.

"Go home? All I've got is an empty apartment and no porn collection", he joked halfheartedly.

"Too bad Mark's out of the country, huh?" I quipped, laughing at the same time.

I stirred my drink while playing with the idea of bringing her up again. We haven't spoken about it since the last time we got together. I'd rather not bring it up and cause him grief but I am concerned about his emotional state. That, or talagang pakialamero lang ako. I guess it's the latter. Oh well, here goes nothing.

"So, uuuuh, how's the 'ex'?" I asked as matter-of-factly as I could, trying to keep the emotional factor out of the picture. Of course I know that's rather stupid of me to even try. Matters like this, it's logic that gets thrown out of the window.

And there he goes with that funny look again.

"Still an ex," he replies dryly, his eyes staring at nothing in particular.

"No communication?", I asked while I eyed his reactions intently.

"Nope."

I fell silent trying to gauge his detachment. The problem of dealing with people in Chris' position, is that you can never veer towards one certain disposition. If you try to trivialize it by making inane comments, that's being insensitive of you; like rubbing a raw wound with salt. More often than not, they would take offense.

But if you try to coddle their hurt, it wont help them get out of whatever dismal state they're in. They could end up wallowing in self pity even more.

The trick is finding a good mix of the two. That way, we wont end up antagonizing or patronizing them. Well, that's what I hope. If only to help my friend. Bash the girl but be sensitive about it. Check. Kidding.

The silence stretches for a minute or two. While I sipped my drink, I absentmindedly started to hum a song while looking outside the car window.

Outside, young people filled the nearby Starbucks, dressed in the latest fashion, bunched in threes or more. All of them seeming to have a lot of fun.

I guess there are more of everything the greater you are in number: more fun, more laughs, more conversation. The only thing lesser numbers have more of, is, well, solitude. Remember that old song that  goes something like "...One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do ... Two can be as bad as one...It's the loneliest number since the number one..."? Guess there's a little bit of truth there.

"How do you deal with this feeling of emptiness?" Chris suddenly asks, not bothering to look at my direction. "This is the first time I've gone through this. You know what happened with my first relationship, right? This feeling, it's alien to me."

I looked at him intently. It's such a strange situation trying to console someone whom Ive always looked up to. The kuya looking towards the bunso for help.

The question came unexpectedly. I pondered the question for a while, and tried hard to organize my thoughts coherently and put them into words, hoping nothing gets lost, oversimplified or exagerrated in the process. No need to further confuse my friend with the ramblings of a wannabe relationship guru.

"It comes in bunches," I replied, shifting my gaze towards the laughing throng of teenagers alighting from the newly parked cars. 

"It comes unexpectedly. It comes when you're all alone and you've got no one to turn to. And it stays. It lingers. That's the sad part. Unless you will yourself to move on or the right person with the right intentions and the right words come to you at the right time to help you on your way, it'll be mostly wasted effort. It'll build on your frustration, depression, loathing. It's an abyss that'll suck the life right out of you. You'll start to believe that you'll never know joy anymore, that laughter will no longer escape your lungs, that smiles will never visit your lips ever again.

"And if you let that continue, there's no saying what could happen. Love is an absolute blessing. And without it, you're left with a gaping hole in your life and your heart, " I lamented. After pausing for a while, I gave him a reassuring smile.

"All's not lost, though," I continued, "Emptiness goes away when you fill it up. No matter how deep your sorrow is, filling it up with the same amount of joy will take it away. Fill yourself up with happiness to the brim until it overflows. You'll realize that you'll feel better.

"Way I see it, right now, you're unconsciously choosing depression, self-loathing, anger to fill it up, when it should have been contentment and peace of mind.

"I know it's hard trying to find a silver lining in the clouds. Most of the time, they dont have any. It's difficult trying to find reason and rhyme in a chaotic existence. It's hard being optimistic when you find yourself at the lowest point in your life. But it doesnt mean you should give up.

"No matter how long it takes, try to fill your emptiness with the little joys that you have in your life. Before you know it, you'll be whole again."

"Hmmm," he lets out a contented sigh while playing with ice cubes in his cup with his straw, before cracking his first smile of the night and replying, "I guess you're right about one thing."

"Right about what?"

"It takes the right person with the right intention and the right words at the right time," he grinned, "Thanks pare, I really needed that one."

"No need," I retorted with a smile, "that one's for the frapuccino."

we're gonna be late. wait, let me rephrase that: we're always late.

haaaay, what can i do? traffic kaya.

anong traffic? you left work at 7 when we were supposed to meet up at 6. you suck at making excuses, jen (laughs).

(laughs) gago. sa susunod, magcommute ka na lang ha.

what? and miss the chance being seen with the sexy and beautiful jen as my personal driver? no way! (smiles)

ay, ewan. just shup and let me concentrate (smiles).

(grins and starts humming). by the way, was with chris last week (hums).

ah, talaga? how is he?

baaaaaa. 'how is he?'. no giddy expressions? (laughs).

(laughs) wala na 'no. i'm content with carlo already.

(laughs) 'content my ass'. (laughs) ok. fair enough.

anyway, how is he nga? havent seen him at any gimiks recently.

uhmm, well, he's ok. sorta.

'sorta'? what do you mean by that?

nothing. im not in any liberty to discuss it. N-D-A.

'N-D-A'?

Non-disclosure agreement. If i disclose anything, i'll be agreeing to spending a week at the hospital (grins).

(laughs). uuuuuuuy. chismis yan ah.

my lips are sealed. (smiles) i'll just do sign language (laughs)

so youre' saying....?

i'm not saying anything. read between the lines. (smiles).

(pauses) ok. (laughs. pauses for a while longer). 'lex, can i ask you something?

shoot.

is it really hard for guys to commit?

panong commit? as in marriage? or just a relationship? give me a context to work with. ill just pretend we're not talking about you and carlo (grins).

(laughs). thanks. no context. just spill everything. i wanna hear all your thoughts about it.

well, first of all, i should take offense at what you just said. not all guys have problems with commitment, otherwise there wont be any husbands out there. some would jump at the opportunity if there was. it's the same way when you girls say that all men are liars or cheaters. again, not all men. with that line of reasoning, i could say that all women are bitches. but then, here you are and ive never once thought of you as a bitch *cough*bitch*cough*. (laughs)

(laughs) ok, ok. just tell me why CERTAIN men find it hard to commit then.

better (laughs) ok. lemme see. hmmm (pauses) most guys i know just haven't shifted to that specific mindset just yet. it's nothing they've considered of their own volition i guess. i mean, as soon as you finish college, you wanna start building a career. now if you dont have a girl, then you get one. after getting a job, you'll start planning for other things you wanna do that you havent been able to do so before: buy a car, get a master's degree, a house, stuff like that. so you see, most guys plan everything. the more complicated, the better. guys are stupid that way. (smiles)

(laughs) ok.

and with that, you build a hierarchy of priorities. it's not to mean that we dont prioritize our women. we do. some guys build their plan around their girl. some dont. but what's not yet part of the plan, and i stress YET, is marriage. it's not that they don't wanna marry the girl. if the girl's the idea partner, then eventually the guy'll marry her. He's just thinking, what's the hurry? We're together aren't we? We'll get there. So while we're still along the journey, I'll shift my focus on the more immediate goals. You have short term goals, midterm goals and long term goals. And most guys consider marriage as a long term goal.

mmmm. ok. i kinda get it. and the rest of the guys?

well, i think their mindset's stuck at gradeschool. (smiles) they're little boys pretending to be all grown up.

haaaay. (pauses) what do you think of Carlo? you think he's gonna ask me to marry him someday?

i don't know. itanong mo kaya, 'no?

i can't do that.

and why not?

because.

anong 'because'? nakakahiya ba? you're thinking that he might say that you're assuming too much?

(silence)

well, don't. you have every right to assume since that's the reason why you got into a relationship with him in the first place. even if it's just because you like each other, it's a given. marriage is the next step in any serious relationship. and if he was serious with you, he would've thought about that from the very start.

and if he wasn't serious?

(pauses) well. (pauses. shrugs) you got me there.

so now you know why i'm asking all of these questions.

(pauses) yeah, i do. sorry.

that's ok. no need to apologize. (silence) so. you think i should ask him?

depends. (pauses) how will you take an answer you're not gonna like?

(silence)

are you really in that much of a hurry getting married?

nope. i don't know. (pauses) i guess i'm just looking at it as some sort of reassurance that he won't leave me.

marriage doesnt assure anything.

i know. but it's all we women have.

(pause) point. (pause) i'm so glad to have a dick (smiles)

(laughs) bastos ka talaga.

(both laughs)

I hardly read books but I try to pick up one or two when the budget permits.

Now finding one that's worth the money youre shelling out is rare. Although the current fantasy, suspense or action thriller books can keep you glued to your seats and ignore hunger for a few hours, none of them have actual value other than to entertain you.

Now there are books that are worth every single peso because they affect you in ways other books cannot. Financial advise books like Rich Dad, Poor Dad or motivational books like Chicken Soup for the Soul (and it's variations), A Purpose Driven Life or any of Mitch Albom's and Bo Sanchez's works stand out because of this.

There are other authors whose outputs are worth collecting because of their tendency to strive for the betterment of our lives and oftentimes, our spirituality as well.

And while there are tons of them out there, I'd never though that I'd actually consider this particular author as one of them: Anne Rice.

Everyone would remember Anne Rice as the successful author of thrillers such as the Vampire Chronicles which includes Interview with a Vampire which spun off a movie in its wake, and other books dealing with topics of a supernatural nature creating a cult following.

I for one, though at one time engrossed at her wonderful vampiric tales, lost respect for her when in her controversial book, The Vampire Lestat, she had referred to Jesus as an immortal, a vampire of the wood, taking away his divinity and holiness and casting him among her sordid collection of vampires.

That's why, when I first saw the paperback version of her novel, Christ the Lord : Out of Egypt, her vampiric reference to Christ's existence came first to my mind. I dismissed it without even bothering to read it. A case of becoming a victim of your own success.

Somehow, I managed to browse a sample copy at Fully Booked and I got interested enough to decide to purchase one. After finishing it the other day, all i could say is, it was worth every single peso. It wasn't what I had expected it to be in the first place.

Anne Rice managed to redeem herself in my eyes (although I'm sure that's not her intent).

Her current novel, despite primarily being fiction (although based on research on the actual life of Christ) is so good, I've decided to write about it. Granted, I'm not great doing reviews but I wanted to introduce this book to everyone who bothers to read my stupid blog.

The book chronicles a fictional life that a young Christ might have lead during the movement of his clan from Egypt back to their hometown of Nazareth. Most of the story has been researched and been based on historical facts as written in countless Gospels and materials written during those times. This includes the death of Herod, the violent upheavals of the Jews and the succession of his children.

While most of it is considered historical fact, what makes it fiction is the details of Christ's possible day-to-day existence during this period. Christ is presented as a 7 year old Jewish boy who starts to learn the circumstances of his birth, the terrible scourge that was caused by it, and his slow transition to being the Jesus Christ he is portrayed in the modern age.

Often, we've seen Jesus as a gentle, compassionate teacher. A holy man. And because of that, we could never relate to him as a human person. He's always been the Son of God made flesh to every Christian. Thus even with different approaches on the story of Jesus, we can't get the notion of His humanity into our heads. We know He is a man, but He is God at the same time. Despite violent displays of Him being tortured, scourged and nailed to the cross, we never see ourselves in Him. He could never be one of us. He is Christ.

Anne Rice, does exactly the opposite of that. She paints Jesus as one of us, who along the way, although at such a young age, realizes His purpose in life. 

By writing the novel through the eyes of a seven year old Christ, we get to see how human He was. That despite being the Begotten of God, He was exactly like us. He had to struggle through life to understand His existence.

This fresh approach to Jesus, has rekindled my love for Him and touch base with myself as being a Catholic.

Over the course of the years, my faith has stagnated, simply because in a frantically paced world like ours, we've traded our religious traditions and beliefs for practicality and compromises. Our faith has taken the backseat to a more comfortable existence.

We've lost touch with ourselves as the children of God, and become the offsprings of a materialistic world.

This book will remind you how simple life really is and how shallow all of us have become. While we desperately try to find success in this world, the young Christ only wanted to know his purpose in life and pursue it for God's glory.

What makes the book all the better is the notes of Anne Rice at the end of the book where she recounts her own travels from being a Catholic to being an atheist and her return to her faith. It is such a beautiful story that no one should skip this part.

This is such a beautiful book and should be given a chance by those who'd need that spiritual boost. I may not be the best person to vouch for a religious novel, being a lost soul myself, but at least you get an idea of what it could bring to your table.

With that, this novel becomes my favorite book of all time. Happy readings.