ok, so im online on the wee morning of a sunday (pathetic i know) instead of being out on town, making the most of my youth. but i did get to try something new for a change.

thanks to alaine for being online tonight since i got a chance to try out voice chat on ym with her help.

ive tried voip at work before, but this is the first time i got to try it out on my laptop and dsl at home.

never tried out using the voice chat before because ive never had a head set with a mic to try it out with. but just a couple of hours ago, while chatting with alaine, i realized that the laptop has a builtin mic just below the spacebar that should catch a normal speaking voice.

we tweaked things out for a few moments and before you know it, we were having a fairly decent vocal conversation over ym. pretty sweet.

it was really cool. ive never really chatted with anyone through voice chat (or even throught the phone for the last couple of years) so i kinda enjoyed it. i never realized how much i missed just talking nonsense with someone for an hour or two.

so thanks to alaine for the wonderful conversation and helping me find out all about voice chatting.

It was at the mall (again) sometime during the week. It was early, and I was alone. Usually, mall, early and alone dont fit in the same sentence when it comes to me, but that time, well, it did.

so i was there, walking, nonchalantly, thinking about something i couldnt remember now, when i started eyeing this couple.

the girl was holding onto the arm of the guy, smiling, while the guy was mouthing some words i obviously couldnt hear from that distance.

they looked like they in love and were content. were they happy? i think so. i always believed that contentment was the perpetual state of happiness. elation being the peak and having (relatively) no valleys.

you know when something feels so right and so natural, it just radiates like an aura? looking at them was so easy on the eye. or maybe im just being too romantic about how i viewed them.

i mean, they guy was wearing a plain white shirt, black slacks and suspenders. and the girl was wearing a floral jackie onassis dress. they were like those sweet couples from those 1940s films.

but then again, maybe they were. the guy looked like he was in 80s and the lady probably just a few years younger.

yep, they were old, just like your grandparents. and here you thought i was writing about youngsters.

you know what i was thinking? i thought it was a sweet and beautiful scene. i was envious too. they seemed to have lived a good life and they have been together all these years. imagine that. growing old with someone and spending every minute of the day together and yet, they still look like they were enjoying each moment of it, instead of most couples nowadays who look like theyre barely tolerating each other.

i wondered how they made it work. i wondered how they pulled through. with divorces and separation being the fad nowadays, here you have a couple who's probably married for the good part of 60 years already.

i wonder if i could have the same thing theyve had. if i could be with someone for 60 years and still cherish every moment as if it were the first (and hopefully not the last). To live content. Be forever happy.

so erap got convicted. that's expected of course. im not saying he's innocent or guilty, but that's the only logical choice. the sandiganbayan's still part of the government and despite their assertions that theyre independent, we all know who put them there and who theyre beholden to.

a lot of people say that we can finally be proud of our justice system. that it does work. that they say that our justice does not discriminate between the rich and the poor.

how sure are you? sure, erap's rich, but is he in power? unfortunately, it's those in power who control the wheels of justice in this country.

erap's been found guilty of plunder. but what is plunder? plunder is when you take money from the country's coffers. im not so sure erap did that. he's greedy but i dont think he's that stupid. as far as i know, the case rested on him receiving jueteng payola. that's not government funds. that's not plunder. that's bribery and corruption. which is far different from him being convicted with plunder.

were there evidence that linked him to receiving money from the tobacco scam up north? we're not sure since we were not allowed to watch the proceedings.

what happened is, the powers that be, cannot afford to let Estrada walk free. If he does, he'll have clout again. Arroyo's taking over Estrada's post would have been put in doubt and everyone who made that happen would be guilty of connivance and conspiracy to oust a seating president.

so was justice served? im not so sure. if justice was fair, why isnt Joc-joc Bolante prosecuted for his role in the Fertilizer scam. That's government money. That's plunder. How about Nani Perez? Why is he free when Dante Jimenez accused him of extorting money from him? And Abalos? How did the Ombudsman let him and his cohorts slide free of responsibilities when the Supreme Court itself declared the Poll Automation deal illegal? And with the hundreds of activists kidnapped, missing, and murdered, why hasnt there been one prosecution of a single military personnel when all evidences, which has been affirmed by independent international investigating bodies, point to them?

Nope. Justice is still in the hands of the powerful. What's happening now is if the people in power cannot kill you outright, they will use the rule of law to make you pay.

(My) everdearest michelle,

It's another saturday. And like countless saturdays before, i lie in my room, breathing airconditioned air, staring lazily at my dark blue ceiling painted with luminous starlights and nebulas and still thinking of you.

So you've left. I've heard you flew to the US with your husband (how i envy him still) and you'll be living there permanently. I didn't know. You didn't say anything. But then again, that's to be expected. Who am I again? Oh yeah, that guy you used to work with. Yeah, that guy who stole glances at you. Remember? The guy who nearly stuttered and couldn't look you straight in the eye whenever we passed by each other.

I keep wondering. What would have happened if i told you i liked you (I know you know). I know nothing would come out of it. You love your guy so much to even notice anybody else (again, im so envious of him). But i wonder what would have happened if i did. Would it be different? Would you think of me a fraction often as i do you? Would you ask yourself how I am once in a while? Would you have told me you were leaving? Would you have wanted to see me one last time? Would you have invited me to your wedding (i would have come even if it would have killed me inside).

Would you have noticed how hard i tried to stay away from you because i respected what you had with your (ever so lucky) man?

And would you remember me still? But if in case you ever did forget (don't worry, i forgive you), I'll always and forever be,

 Yours,

 Alex