so i finally had some time to think those worthless thoughts of mine as the taxi i rode in idled in traffic.

i noticed that a lot of local government officials had their names plastered on whatever public property you could think of; overpasses, waiting sheds, street posts, you name it.

so i wondered if we had laws disallowing government officials to place their names on public property since first of all, public funds were used. if so, it should have my name on some of them since i pay my taxes and i dont get credit for it.

i mean, what gives them the write to have their names on it. it's not as if they donated it. even if it was their project, idea and initiative, it's just unethical. i think it's a practice that should be banned.  

so how's being single so far, jen?

im not sure. it's pretty ok i guess. you should know.

oooh, touche. feisty arent we today?

hahaha, la lang. ikaw kasi.

you guys back to talking again?

us? oh we talk fine. like nothing happened.

dont tell me you still sleep with each other.

of course not. what do you think of me , lex?

sorry. didnt mean to make it sound that way.

you're forgiven. but just to make sure you dont have any other ideas, i'll make it clear: we're strictly friends. we still go around in the same circle. we eat together sometimes. but that's it.

why? he seeing someone already?

not that i know of. ikaw? friend ka nya di ba? did he tell you anything?

nope. and i'll use the word 'friend' loosely with him. we're acquaintances at best.

onga pala. you and your definition of friendship. but let me ask you: when carlo and i were still together, did you hear of anything about him and another girl?

nope. not even a whisper. why do you ask?

la lang. it's just that it's hard to believe that we lost whatever it is we had over nothing. not even a petty quarrel. can you believe that? can you believe that two people can just fall out of love like that?

if you ask other people, they'd probably say 'yes'.

and you? what do you believe?

err, my belief system kinda leans towards the overly idealistic.

what do you mean?

i remember telling you this already.

you have? refresh my memory then.

well, for me, you can never fall out of love.

talaga? bakit nga uli?

well, for me, love is like a bursting dam. when it bursts open and all the love comes gushing forth, there's no turning back. it keeps flowing. you cant stem it or stop it. you cant fix the damn anymore. you're permanently broken. love isnt a lightbulb you can turn on and turn off. once you love someone, you love them for life.

so how do you explain what happened to us if there's no such thing as falling out of love?

i dunno? maybe you guys were never really in love? mutual attraction? lust even? i can't believe you guys love each other that you could just walk away like that.

that's just it. i still love him.

well then, maybe you love him. only, he never loved you in return. but i wouldn't know really. im not even sure what i should believe when it comes to relationships.

and why do you say that he doesnt love me?

eh, he left you didn't he?

(pauses) well... (pauses)

i mean, if he really loved you, he should be going crazy right now not being with you anymore. and seeing he's not here, then i guess, it never was love for him, right?

(pauses)but i loved him.

like i said. it maybe that you do love him but it's not the same for him. and i dont believe love should have a past tense. love is always at present tense.

let me rephrase then: i love him.

i believe you.

(both smiles)

i need to listen to new songs, so i was wondering if anyone can post me a list of pinoy band songs with female vocalists.

also, there's this one song i cant seem to find the title to. again, it's a opm band song in tagalog. vocals' is a female. melody's a bit lonely but strong. and the intro's a violin rip.

thanks in advance 

 

It's nice just hanging out with friends and enjoying dinner. You get to chill. Laugh a lot. And even if you talk about work, it's minus the stress.

This is a nice restaurant too. Ambiance is good. Pretty relaxed. Food's pretty good too. Ok, time to crack another joke. Can't let that opportunity pass.

There you go. Hahaha. Am i funny or what? 

Hmm. That girl over the next table is quite pretty. Uh-oh. She's looking straight at me. Am i smiling? Is she smiling at me or at her friend? Coz she's smiling and she's looking straight at me.  

Wow. She is cute. Mestiza. Beautiful big eyes. Cute button nose. Sweet thin lips. And she has a great smile.

Ok. Time to look elsewhere. Need to join the conversation and pretend that I'm not purposely staring at her.

There she goes again. She's looking at me again while she's speaking with her friend. Are we flirting here? Should i meet her daze and hold it? Maybe i should smile at her. But I look like a pervert when i smile. Damn it.

What to do? Maybe i should send a beer over. Stupid. This isnt a bar. It's a pizza parlor for crying out loud. Ummm. Send over some fried potato skins? But isnt that too assuming of me? But she keeps looking at me. And even if she's not smiling at me, she's still smiling. Which means she doesn't mind catching me looking at her.

I wonder what she's thinking? I mean, i'm surrounded by a group of women (and one other guy). Is she thinking i might be with one of them. Damn it. How do these things go again? Im way out of my game here. And here i used to think im one of the smoothest guys i know.

Ok. She definitely doesnt mind me ogling her. She's looking my way every so often and she doesn't look pissed off. I guess the ball's in my court now. Maybe i could smile and mouth a 'Hi' or something. But then again, my co-worker right in front of me is gonna catch that and they'd all soon notice and that'll be the end of that.

Lord, why doesnt this happen when Im alone? 

Oh well, there she goes. She's standing up. And she's giving me one last look and inviting smile. And she's turning her back. And she's walking away. And she's out of the door. And out of my life.

Oh well, that was that. Time to rejoin the conversation. Hey, it's time to crack another joke! Am i funny or what?